tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post8512253968552604727..comments2023-10-01T07:50:30.374-05:00Comments on It only hurts when I breathe!: Courage at the keyboardHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04602706939281669017noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post-11647654709958676432010-02-22T16:40:37.394-06:002010-02-22T16:40:37.394-06:00i'm sooooo with you too. i've been a chris...i'm sooooo with you too. i've been a christian since a young age, a deeply committed one at that. AND IF ONE MORE PERSON WRITES ME OFF !!!!!!! i'm going to hit the ceiling! <br /><br />yes, i DO belive that God is big enough that He can not only take our anger, but that He already knows it! <br /><br />i think "christians" have a lot to answer for because of the way they treat a grieving mom. (i actually think they are scared because there is just no easy answer?!?!?) if one more person tells me to "just give her to God" and "let it go" or "she's in heaven" or any other pat answer that writes off my heart or the significance of her life..... i'm going to "educate" them.... in a nice way i hope.... but maybe not. <br /><br />i won't ramble on here because i've already ranted and raved on my own blog but i just want you to know that i don't think i'll EVER be the same again and God's ok with that and i'm ok with that. you are not alone. i'll never go back to those mundane things of life either. <br /><br />(((((hugs))))) to you dear friend, wish we could meet in person and cry together.bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13338099802954577987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post-59715837054816930502010-02-22T12:49:04.543-06:002010-02-22T12:49:04.543-06:00Yes, Heather, YES! My faith is gone, and I do wish...Yes, Heather, YES! My faith is gone, and I do wish I could get it back, but it won't be the same, for better or worse. One more, "God works in mysterious ways" would've sent me off the deep end (or deeper end, in this case). I shut myself off often, too, when I need to. Sometimes I need to just BE, sit, think, have quiet and solitude. Not sure why. I also feel like it takes everything I have to get through the day, and that no-one in my life realy understands hwo hard it is, how often I thin k of my girls, how their comments and even topics of conversation can hurt, sting, burn. I am feeling so similarly to your post, thank you for being honest and sharing your thoughts like that. I wish you weren't struggling like me, but it helps to hear Im not alone in that struggle. I don't apologize either, for doing what I need to do. I take care of my toddler, do a little for hubs and the house, and a few things for me, and whatever else happens, happens. People will have to deal, and that's that. I get comments about how no-one can "reach me" on my phone, which I often un-plug, and Im like "duh!" If I wanted to talk, I'd plug it in!<br />Sorry for babbling, in a nutshell, I hear ya, sister.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00998100621997712249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post-66165945602764719282010-02-19T16:46:28.211-06:002010-02-19T16:46:28.211-06:00Wow. I could have written that. People think tha...Wow. I could have written that. People think that since it has been 16 years since our son passed away, I should totally be over it. We only had him 3 days, right? How could we have possibly bonded with him in that short time? They. Have. NO. Idea.<br />This line that you wrote..."But I still feel the pulsating emptiness that is my son's spot every waking moment of my life."....explains my pain perfectly. Yes, the pulsing has eased and yours will, too. IN TIME.<br />But people preaching to you about God's Plan isn't going to speed up the healing. It will only prolong it. <br />I remember telling my preacher at Justin's funeral that if I could get my hands on God, it would NOT be pretty and I had a few choice words for him. My preacher held my hand and said "It's okay, he can handle it. Tell him now and don't leave a single word out." I was shocked to get that kind of support from a preacher but it did help. <br />I am finally finding my way back to God but it has taken a long time. Why? Some of the blame is placed on the people you describe. Preaching at me only made me want to cover my ears and hide under my covers. <br />Anyway, I wanted you to know that you are not alone. People who think that your pain will just "go away" are so very wrong. But you will get stronger and you will recover...in time. It all comes back to TIME.Traciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02144443270788551021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post-63006866426057704062010-02-19T06:53:08.535-06:002010-02-19T06:53:08.535-06:00Heather, if I ever came across to you that way, I ...Heather, if I ever came across to you that way, I am very, very sorry. In MY situation, God has used this tragedy to pull me back to Him. To take away my great fear of death. And to give me a heart for others walking this walk. But that's personal, not everyone receives the same gifts (probably not the right word, but it'll do for now). Would I trade it all to have her back? In a heartbeat. But since it doesn't work that way, I treasure those precious lessons I have. <br /><br />But no one should impose that on another. That's His job, and it's disturbing that there are people out there who feel called to pass judgements like that. I often picture God, on His throne, head in His hands because of what is carried out here on earth in His Name. My job is to love you, and pray for you, and serve you however I can. It's not to injure you, or judge you, or make you feel insignificant. Because you're not. To God, you're the most significant person ever.<br /><br />Just throwing this out there, and I'm thinking it's going to make a post here soon, but don't you ever feel bad for the person talking to us? Had I not "been there", I would have no IDEA what to say to a babyloss mama! It's like there's no safe ground, every direction you turn is filled with landmines. I *hate* when someone tells me how this was God's Plan, even though I believe that to be true. When I meet someone IRL who is just being introduced to my pain, I usually just tell them that I'm okay, I'm not too keen on platitudes, so if you want to talk about Leila, great. If not, let's move on to another topic. It takes the pressure off them and I don't have to hear any canned words. <br /><br />And, with that, I think I've veered off topic a bit. Sending you hugs, sister, and still lifting you up!Emmyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02100182709422069894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post-29146171284182298452010-02-19T06:10:43.486-06:002010-02-19T06:10:43.486-06:00Unfortunately people often say the 'wrong'...Unfortunately people often say the 'wrong' thing when you lose a baby, whether they are religious or not. I think It's because they don't know what to say.. It has been 14 months for me since I lost my twins and over that time I have tried to educate as many people as I can to say "I know nothing will take away your pain, but I'm here if you need me" Sadly, still not many people do.. They either say nothing or try and fix it with their crappy advice! Hugs to you.. I get it..Abbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13288304980939842986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488516630362661582.post-20630681920480201332010-02-19T01:26:07.782-06:002010-02-19T01:26:07.782-06:00Heather I have not yet reconciled my faith since l...Heather I have not yet reconciled my faith since losing my son either. I've been FUCKING PISSED at God some days, ambivilant the next. I don't know what I believe. It is so hard to hear those pitiful platitudes, "It must have been God's will", etc. It makes me angry too, in fact the last person who said it to me got an earful. Nevertheless, I believe in the goodness of people and have come to realize that people start pointing the finger as something being God's will when they can't understand why something so terrible as a little baby boy losing his life would happen. I get it, I do. I'm not over my grief by any means either and it's been fifteen months for me. You have a right to your anger, to your feelings about God period. No one else walks in your shoes and should therefore not be telling you where to be in your grief journey. Sending you my love and keeping sweet Logan in my thoughtsmargarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16494588299838654564noreply@blogger.com