2 week Post-Op check up

I'm tired of feeling like the world is viewing this as one big ugly medical procedure. That I'm just Post-Op. What about post baby killing? Because, I mean really, isn't that what went down? And they say it all delicately, politely..."removing the pregnancy". No one wants to talk about the fact that the baby was alive when he or she was so sweetly removed! No one wants to call it what is was, not even me. I always swore there would never be a circumstance in which I'd have an abortion, I feel ashamed and ill in my ignorance. And saying to me that I didn't have a choice, it doesn't seem to matter. I ok'd the "operation" to "remove the pregnancy". I swear, I feel like God is beating me up these last few years.

Most of the time I am bewildered that I am here...much less again.

Tomorrow I get the pleasure of revisiting the place where every time I have walked in, it is because a child of mine has died. It sounds so melodramatic. I HATE every OB office I walk into. Each time its like a dagger. Pictures of healthy living babies. Pregnant Chics. And I know most of them have pregger issues or they wouldn't be at a specialist. It doesn't matter, they're pregnant and I'm suddenly not...again! Guess I'm back in that selfish phase.

I'm scared. I'm scared of what they are going to tell me tomorrow, and I'm scared of what they aren't.
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