"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.


Our Anniversary and Logan's Tree


Today is our 7th wedding anniversary.

I don't feel like celebrating.  I guess its a nice day and all, and it really isn't a reflection on my marriage or how I feel about David.  Its just that I can not find any joy in celebrating anything.

The only plans we really have made for this evening is to walk down to the park and see if the city planted Logan's Memorial Tree.  I talked to the dude last week and he told me Friday or sometime this week.  We're assuming it's there.  If its not it would really be par for the course, I suppose.  Maybe even a little expected.  But regardless we're going to go see our son's tree, the closest thing we have to a grave marker.

Today hasn't been a bad day per say.  More of a bleak day.  A blah day.  I'm tired and a little worn out from the late nights with my mother's visit over the weekend.  And I look around me and see all that I should get done today.  I just don't have the will.  David will be home in a couple of hours, so I need to at least go shower and look presentable for our special day.  I also need to wash laundry and pay the bills, because hey...life still goes on.

On a side note, anyone know what happened to the spell checker with this new post editor?  I don't see it.  That is a necessity for me!  LOL!

4 comments:

Michele said...

Is the ABC button gone? Mine is still on the right side.

Happy Anniversary... I hope that you guys are able to share some special time today.

Aunt Becky said...

Happy Anniversary. I hope that you are able to carve out some fun.

xoxo

Heather said...

Happy Anniversary. Mine fell within 3 months of losing my girls, and I knkow it's hard to celebrate. Perhaps just loving and appreciating each other and being together is enough for now. I hope you got to see Logan's tree, I'm sure it will be beautiful. We actually stopped by the hospital's tree of love leaves my parents bought/donated in our girls' names on our anniversary. I took a few pictures, and it was nice to see them memorialized in some way. It's like they can't be forgotten, someone will see their names everyday. I hope you get a similar oddly comforting feeling when you see Logan's tree.

Mary said...

Happy Anniversary. As I know this probably is not a very happy one. I hope that you could find something to smile about. As today seven years ago you were on your way to becoming one. You were at the beginning of creating a love that created a beautiful little boy.

((hugs))

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