Messed up

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.

I think I am only now starting to understand how messed up my head is from Logan dying. I don't think people on the outside get that. I don't know if I even do.
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7 comments:

Mary said...: We will never comprehend the impact that this has made on us. I'm sure in the future something will come up, i.e. heatlh, and it will all be related to the loss of Lukas. Among all the other new twiches and personality that will come from it. I hope that today is a "good" one for you. ((HUGS)); June 14, 2009 at 8:59 AM
Ter said...: I know, our lives are just not the same anymore. How can we not be messed up?

((HUGS)); June 14, 2009 at 10:29 AM
Mrs. Spit said...: I think, 18 months later, I have realized that those who have had losses like ours, not necessarily a baby, but someone close, that hurt, they can understand. It's not exactly the same, but they can understand deep sorrow.

But no, one person's sorrow, even with the same type of loss, is always different from others.

You aren't messed up. Messed up implies that you need fixing. You are grieving. The only fix for this is time and tears.

Abiding.; June 14, 2009 at 11:19 AM
Emmy said...: We're here for you....; June 14, 2009 at 2:05 PM
Lea said...: I think it's only natural for us to feel "messed up". We certainly are different. How can we not be... we have held an Angel... what a life altering experience.

Thinking of you.; June 14, 2009 at 3:37 PM
Anonymous said...: I'm not feeling anything... What does that mean?; June 15, 2009 at 11:03 PM
melloss said...: You will never be the same again. It will be 3 years in October and I am still "Messed" up really bad. I am so sorry for your loss. They say it all gets easier With time but really dose it ever?? I don't know yet.
Your right people don't get it they wont unless they have been through it.
Its hard real hard but you are strong and will find your new normal.
What really helps me is doing things for other babyloss moms.
When I first lost my Daughter I started to make custom pictures for other mothers.I don't do it as much any more because my life is so stressful right now but I think because I am not a am slipping back into the hole again.
Find something your good at and share it! It will help.
Know there are a lot of us in this same basket with you.You are not alone we are here for you.; June 16, 2009 at 12:54 PM