"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.


6 months!

Here it is! 6 months that my sweet boy has been gone. Dead as long as he was alive. It's morning, I'm OK so far. I was up for a few hours before it hit me. I guess that's good, right? Maybe it helps that I'm out of town. Maybe it helps to have the distraction of family and the wedding. Maybe I needed to be distracted so that I wouldn't sit at home and obsess about it. Man! Where does time go? Life kept going on. It doesn't seem fair, and it doesn't seem plausible. It should have stopped the day Logan died. My heart did, so why didn't my life? "They " say that time heals all wounds.
It's late night now. Bedtime blogging. Today came and went and I was thankful for the distractions. David and I didn't talk much about it. But he was mentioned. I wore his tiny tag today and his missing piece bracelet. It always helps me feel closer to him to wear those, like I'm taking him along. I seem to be ok right now, unless I dwell on it. So I try not to do that. But when I do stop to think about it, I'm horrified at how the time seems to have slip away...and yet, thankful that it has.
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7 comments:

angie said...

Thinking of you all today with love.

Emily said...

Happy half-birthday, Logan. We all miss you, but your mommy especially. I wish you could send her a kiss on the wind, or a happy dream. Something to let her know you miss her, too.

Wishing my arms were longer, Heather.

Monique said...

Thinking of you & Logan...

Barbara said...

The blink of an eye.

Thinking of you and Logan.

xxx

KuKd Chick said...

My thoughts are with you on this hard 6-month day. Thank you for this blog, and for the Dead Baby Club.

Michele said...

remembering with you and sending hugs

CLC said...

Thinking of you and Logan. You are right, life should have stopped that day. It seems cruel when it just keeps going.

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