"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.

I can't shake it

I guess it's just one of those days. I hate hormones. I can't shake the crap that has crept in today. I was watching the 2nd episode of TNT's HawthoRNe this evening (which I think is pretty good), and of course it had a baby in it that they thought the mother was poisoning. Turns out she was just being too protective and washing her baby too much. She loved her baby so much she was hurting her. It made my heart want to scream. To feel that desperate. To scream and fight for your baby. I didn't get to fight. I didn't even get to know there was a problem. He just died, and I didn't even know it when it happened. And blast it if I don't feel like punching a hole in my wall again.


Carla said...

Have you ever tried throwing a plate against something? I bet it would feel really good in a moment like that! :)

Emily said...

I'm with you. Breaking something sounds really nice right now. Or getting a little hammered. Anything to push this pain away.

I hope it's gotten better by now. :)

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