Give me a dream, a memory...something!

I yearn so badly for a sweet dream of Logan. One that feels real, one where I see him the way he was meant to look, one that fills that gaping hole in my heart, if only briefly. I never told Logan that I loved him. Not while I held him in my arms. I want so badly to tell him that I’m sorry he couldn’t stay, that I love him desperately and helplessly and that I miss him with such a ferocity that I can barely breathe. I want to grab a hold of him and pull him close to me so that he would know; with out a doubt, that his mommy loved him so much and that she wanted him. Even if it’s a dream, I just want a memory of something. I look at David and I think “Wow! My son would have looked like that!” I look at his nose, I look at his eyes, I look at his curls and I know my son would have been just as handsome as his daddy. And it makes my heart leap, and it makes me smile. And, it makes me cry the most gut wrenching cries.