"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.


Relax, she's just pregnant!

Ok, this is sort of like a twitter post. We're on our way to have dinner with friends and at the last minute another couple was added. They're the original pregnant ones. The ones who go pregnant right when Logan died. I haven't seen her since Logan died, always a "reason" or "headache" on her end. So here we are, on our way, and I didn't really have time to prep for it. Which might be a good thing, not to obsesses and get myself all worked up prior to the event. I'm so nervous though. I wish I wasn't. Her baby shower is next week too, so I think this might be good. To see her prior to the shower. I hear she is quite large even at her 6 months. I hope I don't flip out or cry. I haven't been doing well lately, and though I seem to be on an upswing, I'm still nervous about my reaction to seeing her and her belly full of the little boy who graced this earth at the same time that my son left it. Life goes on right!? At least she gets her little boy. At least he is alive now. We all know how that can change in the blink of an eye. As much as I wish for my son, I hope for hers too. I hope that no one ever has to have a baby die. I wish my hope was enough to make that come true.
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5 comments:

Ter said...

I wish that our hopes and well-wishes and dreams and love was enough to ensure our loved ones would never die.

I hope it wasn't as hard as you anticipate.

Emily said...

You'll do fine, sweetie. Praying always....

Michele said...

GOOD LUCK, SWEETIE! I know you are going to do great. Big hugs...

Monique said...

I hope it went okay. xoxo

Amy said...

I understand. My best friend is pregnant with a boy. I had hoped it would be a girl. I thought maybe if it was a girl it wouldn't be so hard on me. I'm helping to host her baby shower next month. I had agreed before Levi died. I'd never wish my grief on anybody.

I hope your dinner went well.

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