"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.


And just because I wasn't blue enough...

You know those days when things keep getting lumped on top of your head one right after another? Stupid, petty, little things that shouldn't matter...but combined they turn into a huge issue? You know those days? This is one of them!

My daughter used her potty chair for the first time...



At grandma's house!



Not here. Not for me. I've had her on her potty chair countless times. Grandma puts her on their just once and EUREKA!!





And because that couldn't possibly be enough. the universe punches me just one more time...



Then she poopied in her chair for Grandma too!





Of course she did...



This may not seem like a big deal to you. But, I'm one of those moms! The super sentimental, I scrapbook everything, want to be there for every "first" type of mom. And I've had one. ONE. One stinking "first" thing to be a part of! The first time she rolled over. That's it. I'm a stay at home mom. I should be seeing all of the firsts, or at least a majority of them. And I don't. I miss everything!! And dang it, I'm tired of it! What is the point? Why? Why does SHE get to see all of her firsts? Why not me? I'm her blasted mom! I'm always here! She goes to grandma's once a week (which apparently I'm going to have to put a stop to in order to see anything!), that's it! Why? What's with kicking me again, and again, and again?



It's the little things...



Sigh...

3 comments:

Jason said...

I understand your frustration. I hear it all the time. I'm a stay at home dad with our second son and my wife gives it to me all the time! I'm sorry she didn't share her poop--maybe another time! Good job getting her on the potty! She's a big girl now!

Jason
www.hanamiprints.com

Aunt Becky said...

I missed out on pretty much every "first" with Ben and it broke my heart. I understand completely.

angie said...

I'm just amazed that your little girl poopied on the potty at all. that is incredible. my almost two year old enjoys talking about the potty, but won't make the leap of actually doing anything on it.

anyway, as a stay at home mom of one, and having given birth to my stillborn daughter three months ago, i just have to say...it is so very hard. grieving and mothering. i feel this way about a lot of things, when she resists, or tells me no...it sometimes just feels like too much.

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