"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.

I'm gonna write a book...and other projects.

A friend of mine told me that after he lost his baby he immersed himself in a project, I've read about others doing that also. It dawned on me last night that I too have immersed myself into several projects. I started scrapbooking my son like a mad woman, even going so far as to make a 3 hour drive "back home" to visit my favorite scrap store. I'd stay up till the wee hours scrapping my head off. I've slowed down a bit. Then I realized that its because I've immersed myself into another project, self improvement. House keeping, planning, changing, remodeling...whatever (though admittedly I do more planning than actual work). And getting my fat butt in shape. I can't say "back in shape" because I was never really in shape to begin with. There was a time when I was really skinny, but that's just because I wouldn't eat. I didn't have one muscle in my body though. So, now I am on a quest to get muscles, and loose the jiggles. I'm becoming obsessed (this week anyhow, that may change quickly). I've mentioned my new weight loss blog before. I spend hours, I mean hours, messing around with it. Then I spend hours searching out recipes (ok, I've always done that.) Get this though, I hate to cook, but I love recipes! I have a terrible recipe book collection, and I doubt I've made 5 recipes from any of them. I like to read the ingredients, I like to fantasize that they will be good (because they usually aren't) and my husband will love it (because he usually won't). I subscribe to cooking magazines, I hunt around online (my favorite site is www.eatingwell.com) I buy books from garage sales. It's sick. Maybe I should have a menu collection instead. LOL! Then I work out, I have to admit I do this against my will, and the entire time I work out I think about what I will write in my blog, what I should eat, how long it will take me to complete this task of self improvement...but I don't think about Logan. And I think that's what I like about it the most. Being consumed with something other than grief, even if it's still hanging out in the dark recesses of my obsessive mind! It's a break from my sadness, no matter how short lived.

Another project?

I'm gonna write a book. Seriously. Ok, I'm not going to write it since I have no real talent for writing (even if I have the gift of gab). Let's say, I'm going to compile a book. I will name the book:

Grief is a Funny Thing!
An Irreverently Dark Satirical Look at the "Lighter" Side of Infant Death
Blog Postings from the Members of "The Club No One Wants to Belong To"

I have read so many darkly hilarious postings in the last few weeks, and I'm gonna compile them (don't steal my idea because I will hunt you down! I don't get very many good ideas!). Obviously the book won't be for everyone, and obviously the only people who will "get" it are those of us in the "club". But, in my opinion, sometimes we need a little dark humor to help us cope. Maybe it's more sarcasm than humor.

What do you think? Would you read it?

How do I get it published?


Living With Loss said...

I've just found your blog and wanted to say I am so sorry for everything you have been through. I cannot imagine the pain you must be feeling.

Your bravery is inspiring.

Take care, N

Jennifer said...

My only suggestion for the book is that you might need to get permission from the blogger before you use their posts (you don't want to get sued!).

I do completely agree about projects being helpful.

noswimmers said...

Just wanted to stop by and say I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. Do whatever you need to do to get through this time. I think the book is a great idea...and yep, I'd read it!

Mary said...

I would definitely read it. One smile is one less tear.

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