"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.

I don't want to loose.

I don't want to loose to this grief.

...today, I feel like I am loosing.


Jenn said...

You're not losing your grief, you're learning to LIVE with it, which I think is a wonderful thing. You're not getting over this, you're getting THROUGH it and moving forward with your life which is important. Your heart is slowly mending... your hear will forever have a scar from this loss and its pain, but you are slowly healing. Smile! :)

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry. I have no words of wisdom, but I am praying for you today.

I would give you a HUGE hug righ now if I could.

I hope that this counts...


Jennifer said...

I am so sorry. I have no words of wisdom, but I am praying for you today.

I would give you a BIG hug right now if I could.

I hope this counts...


Barbara said...

Oh Heather you will never lose it, you will never lose Logan, your grief will change over time but it will always be with you. Logan will always be with you.


"numb_was_better" said...

You don't win or lose it just becomes part of you you can deal with. Eventually you even learn to push it aside for a while like an alter ego. You know....... like Batman. :-)

Mary said...

I know sweetie. Losing my mind is one of my fears. I will pray for you. I am here for you too.

Ter said...

I understand. I hold on to my grief because it's a TRUE and VALID feeling, and it's all I have left of my family.

You're not loosing your grief... the rollercoaster is on the upswing for the time being, and that's okay. Unfortunately it will come down again but it will go up again too.

Jason said...

Joy and sorrow are inseparable… together they come and when one sits alone with you… remember that the other is asleep upon your bed
— Kahlil Gibran


Jason said...

I carry my grief in my heart and literally wear it around my neck. Just as Native Americans shown bands and war paint around their vulnerable body parts and weaknesses—openly advertising to the enemy where to attack, I too show the world where I hurt. My son’s picture rests proudly on my chest open to the world ready to say Nicolas is my son and I am his father. Even when I sit in the park and draw his image, people stop and ask who is this beautiful baby and when I tell them and they quickly turn away, I will not lose to this grief! This is who I am and Nicolas is my son. The world will hear our children’s voice. Our culture will awaken soon and we will be able to share our grief and they will listen.

Honor. Treasure. Remember.

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