"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.


The funk

Man! I could not get out of my funk yesterday. I had the whole day to myself as my daughter was visiting grandma. I dropped her off and raced home excited to scrapbook my latest page for Logan. It's a page about the names we had picked out for him. Lauren Claire if he was a girl, Logan David for a boy. Anyhow, I scrapped for a few hours and my funk started creeping in. Sneaky. We even spent the evening playing cards with the in-laws, which I generally love to do, and the funk got worse an worse. Every noise annoyed me, made my ears physically hurt. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Then I came home and played Mafia Wars on Facebook. I sucker punched a few thugs, bought an apartment building, did some dirty jobs like mugging people...fun stuff. And at 9:30pm when my husband suggested we go to bed, I didn't argue, I didn't refuse (normally I stay up much later), I just went. Then I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes. Today I just feel blah. I'm not in a funk, but I'm not really out of it either. It's a cloudy wet day (that alwasy helps with the funk!) but it's almost 60 degrees! It's been a bitter cold, hard and very long winter here in Southeast Michigan. But it's almost balmy out (thanks to the humidity I'm sure) so for the first time in a very long time, I am going for a walk. I'm taking my daughter, my dog and myself and we are going for a very long walk. Then later, I'm off to pick-up my brothers engagement ring from the jewelers so that he can propose on Sunday! That brightens my day! I love my future sister in law. Both of my sisters in law are a blessing to this family. So, I'm off to get dressed and dust off the stroller. Maybe I'll out run (ok, walk) the blah that is hanging around.

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

Those days are hard :-( Hope today goes better.

The song is called "Held" by Natalie Grant

Barbara said...

Hope the walk and fresh air helps.

xxx

Emily said...

I totally know what you mean- I've been in a funk, too. Also trying to scrapbook but not getting anywhere with that. I hope spring (and gentle weather) come to us SOON.

Thanks for your post on my Stepping Stones blog- funny I wrote kind of the same post. It must be something in the air.

peace- emily

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