"You get what you pay for, but I just had no intention of living this way." -Counting Crows

Why We're Here...

My husband David and I delivered a stillborn Baby Boy that we loved, and wanted. Our first and only son, Logan, had Down Syndrome. Our daughter's smile is a little light in the darkness. She turned one year old three days after our sweet Logan tip-toed away on January 24, 2009. After 2 1/2 years we found out we were having another baby, whom we affectionatly called Rudy. Just shy of 6 weeks we found out Rudy was Ectopic. Rudy was surgically removed on May 26, 2011 delivering another blow to our already broken hearts.

The funk

Man! I could not get out of my funk yesterday. I had the whole day to myself as my daughter was visiting grandma. I dropped her off and raced home excited to scrapbook my latest page for Logan. It's a page about the names we had picked out for him. Lauren Claire if he was a girl, Logan David for a boy. Anyhow, I scrapped for a few hours and my funk started creeping in. Sneaky. We even spent the evening playing cards with the in-laws, which I generally love to do, and the funk got worse an worse. Every noise annoyed me, made my ears physically hurt. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Then I came home and played Mafia Wars on Facebook. I sucker punched a few thugs, bought an apartment building, did some dirty jobs like mugging people...fun stuff. And at 9:30pm when my husband suggested we go to bed, I didn't argue, I didn't refuse (normally I stay up much later), I just went. Then I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours, but was only a few minutes. Today I just feel blah. I'm not in a funk, but I'm not really out of it either. It's a cloudy wet day (that alwasy helps with the funk!) but it's almost 60 degrees! It's been a bitter cold, hard and very long winter here in Southeast Michigan. But it's almost balmy out (thanks to the humidity I'm sure) so for the first time in a very long time, I am going for a walk. I'm taking my daughter, my dog and myself and we are going for a very long walk. Then later, I'm off to pick-up my brothers engagement ring from the jewelers so that he can propose on Sunday! That brightens my day! I love my future sister in law. Both of my sisters in law are a blessing to this family. So, I'm off to get dressed and dust off the stroller. Maybe I'll out run (ok, walk) the blah that is hanging around.


Jennifer said...

Those days are hard :-( Hope today goes better.

The song is called "Held" by Natalie Grant

Barbara said...

Hope the walk and fresh air helps.


Emily said...

I totally know what you mean- I've been in a funk, too. Also trying to scrapbook but not getting anywhere with that. I hope spring (and gentle weather) come to us SOON.

Thanks for your post on my Stepping Stones blog- funny I wrote kind of the same post. It must be something in the air.

peace- emily

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